you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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