Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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