My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
