take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Two words: blizzard sex
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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