I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
