the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
