This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
