the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
