Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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