i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
