I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to calm my uterus...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
