Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
