apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
