think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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