I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
