Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
