So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
