does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
someone owes me an orgasm
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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