nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
