can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
