you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
