last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
