he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
