So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
