He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
