how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
