I wish my penis had an off switch
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
