I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
