Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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