your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
