I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
