I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
