I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
