I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
