you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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