She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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