You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
