Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
