It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
