I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
