Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
