will power is for people who don't want to get laid
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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