I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
