omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
