She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
