A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
