i think my tv is drunk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
