Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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