I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
