imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
