I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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