just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
