just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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