I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
