i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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