I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I look better un-naked...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
