I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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