remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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