you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
