I can text with my tongue
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
