she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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