OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
