i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
