i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My penis needs a shock collar
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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