just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
