i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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