I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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