Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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