Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
