She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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