I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
