2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
