Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
